


The Visit

by kijikun



Series: Imagine [5]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Children, Ectobiology, F/M, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Human/Troll Hybrids, M/M, Multi, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Pining, Threesome - F/M/M, Xeno
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-12-08
Updated: 2013-01-18
Packaged: 2017-11-20 14:25:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 10,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/586353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kijikun/pseuds/kijikun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John visits Jade, Karkat and their daughter. He finds that he's still loves and wants them just as much as ever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Arrival

"Unc' John! Unc' John!" Meenah squeals, dancing around John's feet.

John laughs and scoops her up with the wind before setting her into his arm. "Hey, bug," he says, ruffling her hair. The three year old has shot up like a weed since the last John visited. "Where are your parents?"

"Here," Karkat calls, coming down the path to where John had landed. "She's gotten fast."

Karkat looks good. John thinks that everytime he comes to visit, but he thinks it more so these days. Fatherhood looks good on Karkat. His red eyes are warm as he gazes at John and little Meenah.

"Hey, Karkat," John greets him, settling Meenah on his hip.

"I told you I saw Unc' John flying in," Meenah says. "When can I fly?"

Karkat chokes on a laugh. "Not everyone can fly, wriggle."

"Momma can!" Meenah exclaims. "Unc' John can!"

John chuckles. "But your papa and Uncle Gamzee can't. Not all people can fly."

"Oh," Meenah looks disappointed for a few seconds. "We're gonna take you swimming tomorrow. Momma's making dinner 'cause it's her turn.

Karkat grins. It seems like so long ago that Karkat never smiled at all. John's happy for him and Jade he really is, but, _oh_ , how his heart aches to put smiles like that on Karkat's face.

"I promise her cooking has gotten better," Karkat says, nudging John with his elbow. "She's not even cheating this time."

Jade prefers to use that food gadget of hers, John remembers. Karkat has turned out to be the chef of the family.

"I like papa's cooking better," Meenah says with the bluntness only a small child can have.

Karkat laughs again and so does John. "Just don't tell Jade that," John snickers.

They climb the hill up to the house. Meenah babbling on about the new paint color in her room and the sea shells Gamzee made into a necklace for her.

Karkat's shoulder keeps brushing against John's. It feels -- it feels like coming home.

"You've been missed," Karkat says when Meenah stops for air.

John ducks his head, pressing a kiss to Meenah's hair. "I missed you guys too."

He can't even begin to tell Karkat how much he's missed them. How he looks at the picture from his last visit, of him surrounded by Jade and Karkat, with Meenah on his lap, and how he wants to cry from missing them. It feels like he's exiled himself from his family, from the people he loves most.

But he decided long ago, that he wouldn't complicate Jade and Karkat's lives with his unneeded attention and affection. Meenah's creation only confirmed that decision as right. They don't need him.

Karkat's eyes get sad for a brief second, like he sees beyond the veil of John's happy smile. John smiles all the more brightly.

"How's Gamzee?" he asks trying to change the subject and distract Karkat.

Karkat looks out across the island. "He's...good. He's visiting Terezi."

"Oh, yeah, Dave mentioned that. Sorta slipped my mind," John says.

"Unc' Gamzee made a necklace for Harrison too!" Meenah says. "I helped him."

Karkat smiles indulgently. "Gamzee is good with them."

John nods. It's the one thing he always worried about when they kids were first made, but Gamzee's been a better uncle than John. At least Gamzee's around, not hiding because his friends happiness breaks his heart.

"I know," he says.

They enter the house, and Bec flashes in for a moment, then out again. John makes a face. "Bec still gives me the creeps."

"I agree," Karkat tells him.

"Bec's a good dog," Meenah chirps. "Best friend."

John remembered how much Jade loved Bec when they were kids. "Your momma loves him too."

"He's a good dog," Jade says from the kitchen doorway. "And John don't carry her everywhere, you'll spoil her."

"That's an Uncle's job!" John laughs in protest.

Jade comes over and gives him a hug. John maybe hugs her back a little too long, a little too tight.

Karkat's watching them, when they pull apart. Like he wants to say something. Jade just smiles and moves over to her matesprit. She kisses Karkat, ignoring Meenah's "eww".

John's throat tightened and he wonders if he could convince Karkat that he'd make a good kismesis after all - at least then he'd be - he'd be able to --

He looks away. "Meenah, why don't you show me your room? I want to see the new color."

Meenah chirps in excitement and climbs down so she can drag him up the stairs towards her room. John feels a little guilty running with his tail between his legs, but watching them kiss felt like a kick to the chest.

God, why does he have to love them so much?


	2. Late Night Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat and John have a late night talk in the kitchen.

John can't sleep. He lies on his back staring at the ceiling and the mural of the stars someones painted there. Probably Jade. All the bedrooms seem to have a space paintings on the ceiling. While the one in Meenah's room is done up with glow in the dark stars, this one seems to move, shift, and swirl on its own.

John wonders if a similar one graces the ceiling of Karkat and Jade's room.

He puts his arm over his eyes and blocks out the view. It is such a Jade thing to do.

Dinner had been good, if simple, and after they'd watched a movie with Meenah. After she'd gone to bed, John hadn't felt the ease he once had in their home. He knew that was all on him, nothing had changed since his last trip. Expect he'd grown lonelier.

Rose and Kanaya were talking about creating a child. Dirk and Jake had finally moved in together. Jane and Roxy were busy with their lives on this brave new world of they'd created. Even John's dad had someone - Rose's mom.

John -- John loves two people that already had what they wanted and needed.

He had begged off as being tired from his trip and turned in early. Now he can't sleep - punishment he supposes for being anti-social to his friends.

With a sigh, he pushes up from the bed. Maybe some milk or something will help. A strong drink perpahs.

He carefully makes his way through the quiet halls and stairways. Past Meenah's door. Past Karkat and Jade's door. He hears quiet murmurs from their room and almost stops to listen - but he keeps walking. Even when he thinks he hears his name.

The kitchen is illuminated dimly by the light over the stove. He remembers sneaking down stairs in his father's house as a child to sneak a snack in the middle of the night, this feels like that. He stands there lost in thought for way too long, his bare feet curling on the cold tile.

"Forget how to breath, Egbert?" Karkat asks from behind him, flicking on the light.

John does not jump, but its a close thing. "Just woolgathering," he chuckles, rubbing the back of his head.

"Hn." Karkat looks him over. "Can't sleep? I thought you were tired."

It's not an accusation, though John would deserve it.

"Too tired to sleep," John says instead. "Was thinking about milk or something."

Karkat shakes his head. "That warm milk shit only works on wrigglers," he says. "Go sit, I'll make us something."

"Karkat, it's fine I can - " John starts to protest.

Karkat gives him a hard look. "I said go sit," he orders, like he's still the leader.

"Hey, I'm co-leader, you can't order me around," John protests with a laugh.

Karkat laughs and shoves at John's shoulders. "Then sit down, so I don't trip over your absurdly long legs while I make tea."

John laughs, shaking his head, but he sits down at the table. "Tea? Really Karkat? Should we have scones too?"

"Fuck you," Karkat grouses. "We're going to spike the damn tea. Plus this stuff Jade grows is pretty good at knocking you out. Well humans anyways. It just makes me and Gamzee giddy."

John's not sure Gamzee should be drinking things that make him giddy, but holds his tongue.

Karkat busies himself with the teapot, his back turned to John. "How's the mainland?

"Boring," John says honestly. "I hate saying this but something --"

"You miss the game," Karkat finishes. He turns around and leans back against the counter. "I know what you mean."

"I mean it was dangerous, and people died, but sometimes..." John trails off. Karkat lost more, lost so much. John didn't really lose anything in the end, not his father, not his friends.

Karkat tilts his head back, looking at the ceiling. "It could be fun. When it started it was the first time I felt any kind of control or real pride," he admits softly. "I can't regret the way some of things went, but --"

"We sorta fucked things up for you," John says.

Karkat shakes his head. "Vriska fucked things up for us. But I can't regret you idiots being able to evolve." He smiles almost affectionately at John. "Not when I'm so fond of some of you."

"I'm telling Jade you called her an idiot," John says, trying not to let the rush of affection he feels get to him. Karkat just looks so fond of him right now.

Karkat laughs. "She'll just call me a fuckass - when Meenah's not in hearing range that is. She loves repeating things, especially words Jade says she too young to be saying." He shakes his head. "Gamzee isn't always the best at following that rule."

John can't help but grin. "Oh, dear."

"Yeah," Karkat agrees. "He doesn't mean any harm and it isn't like I care if she cusses. But Jade knows more about this whole raising kids thing."

"She was raised by a dog," John snorts.

"I was raised by a giant crab," Karkat points out.

"And it shows in your manners," John tells him.

Karkat makes a face. "I walked right into that one."

The teapot starts whistling and Karkat starts making the tea. He takes a bottle down from a high cabinet. "I promise is not magnetic wodka."

"Magnetic wodka is fun," John chuckles.

"Jade would get mad if we drank that without her," Karkat reasons, bringing the mugs to the table.

John wraps his hands around the mug, feeling the warmth seep into his fingers. "We should make a blanket fort one night and break it out then. For science."

Karkat's smile and eyes get brighter at the suggestion. It makes John feels warm inside in ways that have nothing to do with the tea. "For science," Karkat agrees, toasting John with his mug.

They talk about what seems like everything and nothing as they sit drinking their tea. John manages to forget his loneliness for a little while in the feeling of belonging. It's almost like old times of the meteor, him and Karkat talking until they run out of words.

Eventually, just as it did in the old day, they run out of words and tea.

"Try and get some sleep," Karkat tells him. "Meenah has a full day planned for you."

John gives him a mock salute. Karkat flips him off in return. As he leaves the kitchen, Karkat pauses and squeezes John's shoulder."

"We are glad you came, John," Karkat says, his voice low and serious. "We have missed you, more than you know."

Carefully, John pats Karkat's hand. He wants to hug the troll, but he's -- he's afraid. "I've missed you all too."

Karkat frowns a little, but doesn't say anything more. The warmth the kitchen seems to leave with him.

John sits for several minutes more before he gets up and heads to bed. He wishes he'd hugged Karkat. He wishes so many things these days.


	3. The Beach

Just as Karkat said, Meenah had a full plan for John. The first on her list is building sand castles on the beach. Uncle John apparently makes the best ones. Rain sadly, put a delay on the sand castle building for two days. John spends the time mostly playing with Meenah and watching movies with her.

Karkat and Jade keep giving him looks like they want to say something, but they never do. John avoids going back to the kitchen at night, knowing somehow that Karkat will be there. Waiting.

He spends time with Jade and Karkat sure, it just feels -- feels like all the things he'd gotten so good at ignoring around them as suddenly become all he can feel and think. It's not fair to any of them.

When the sun comes out on the third day, John's on the beach as promised with Meenah. The sand is warm beneath John. There's sand in his bathing suit, but its hard to care.

Not with the amazing sand castle he and Meenah are building.

"Make the moat deeper, Unc' John!" Meenah commands, like the little princess handing out a royal decree.

John laughs. "Of course, your highness."

"Meenah, what do you say?" Jade calls from where sits reading on a blanket.

"Please?" Meenah says, looking at her mother then back at John.

John laughs again. "That's what you get naming her after royalty, Jade."

Jade makes a face at him. "It would help if you, Karkat, and Gamzee didn't go along with her every whim."

Meenah clearly bored with the adults talking, starts on another tower for the sand castle. It's turning into quite the city instead of just a castle.

"Got the men in your life wrapped around your little finger, huh, Meenah?" John asks the little girl.

Meenah looks up and blinks. "Yep," she agrees cheerfully.

Jade laughs. It's a lovely sound, one that John's missed. "At least someone has," she says.

John puts down the shovel to put his hands to his chest. "Are you saying me and Karkat aren't wrapped around your little finger too?" he asks in mock horror.

Her eyes are bright and her smile wide. "Well, it's no fun if you know," she teases.

"The moat, Uncl' John," Meenah prompts. She's on her tiptoes putting seashells all over the castle as windows and doors.

John gives her a sulate. "Right away, princess," he tells her affectionately.

He hears Jade laughs again. He feels warm and not just from the sun. The melancholy from the last two days seems to have evaporated in the sun and the company of his two favorite girls. The longing is still there, but its easier to deal with here on this sunny beach.

He can almost pretend he has a permanent place here.

John digs out the moat, then helps Meenah line it with more shells. Then together they fill it with water.

"Making us a beach hive?" Karkat asks, from a few away..

"Papa!" Meenah squeals jumping to her feet.

Karkat catches her up in a big and kisses her forehead. The sun is still pretty high in the sky and Karkart's wearing sunglasses. They look weird on his face, but the sun bothers Karkat's eyes. He's not wearing a shirt - John's eyes maybe a linger too long.

"We made a pretty castle," Meenah tells her father.

"I see that," Karkat says. "John's an expert on looking pretty."

"Hey!" John protests.

Karkat grins at him and swing Meenah around. She squeals with laughter. Jade's laugh joins in as she gets to her feet to greet her matesprit. The two share a kiss that John has to look away from.

"It's time for wriggle's nap," Karkat says, sitting Meenah on his hip. "Thought I'd get her so you two could keep enjoying some beach time."

"Papa! Not sleepy!" Meenah protests. A protest defeated by her yawning.

"We can play more when you wake up," John promises her.

"In the water?" Meenah asks, clinging to her father.

John nods. "Yes, in the water."

"Kay," she says, and pops her thumb in her mouth.

Karkat chuckles affectionately, and gives Jade another kiss, then whispers something to her. John looks out across the waves. He wishes he had the right to such kisses.

Jade plops herself down on the sand beside John. "You okay?"

John looks over at her and blinks. "Yeah, why?"

"You seems - distant," Jade says softly, tracing patterns in the sand.

He feels a kick of guilt. "I'm just unwinding still, sorry. I've been wound pretty tight I guess," he tells her. Which is partly true. "And, I guess I've been lonely so much that having people around is sorta a system shock."

She looks at him like she doesn't quite believe him, a crease forming between her eyes. "Is that all it is?" Jade asks, touching his knee. "You know you can talk to me about anything, John."

He covers her hand with his own and squeezes. "I know," he tells her. He doesn't want her to worry. "I've just got stuff I'm working out in my head. I'm not being distant with Meenah am I?"

"No, no, you're fine with her," Jade assures him. "It's just with me and Karkat your - its like you're somewhere else."

John bites his lip. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, just -- talk to us if you need to," Jade says, squeezing his hand back. She leans in and kisses his cheek. "Now, what's this I hear about a blanket fort, magnetic wodka, and bad movies?"

John laughs and leans shoulder to shoulder with Jade. "I think we've watched all the bad movies."

"Lies," Jade says. "We never even made a dent in Karkat's movies."

John groans, he's managed to avoid most of Karkat's weird romantic movies thus far. He loves the guy, but troll movies are strange. "Not troll romantic comedies."

She laughs and nods her head. "Don't worry, we'll watch one of your bad movies too."

John makes a not at all mature adult face at her. "My movies aren't bad."

"Con Air," Jade says, deadpan.

John makes another face. "That's not far, and I've come to appreciate that movie again with age. I mean it's still a bad movie, but it's bad in a fun way."

"I like Cage in National Treasure," Jade admits. "Karkat likes Family Man."

"Really?" John asks. "I thought he was officially against human Nic Cage. Something about troll Nic Cage being better."

Jade rolls her eyes. "He also says troll Will Smith is better. I've been trying to cure him of that delusion." Her eyes seem to sparkle with mirth. Happy has always been a good look for her.

Their fingers are still tangled up and John's not thinking right. He's thinking how much he loves her, how good she looks sitting there in the sun, and how much he's missed and longed for her.

John kisses her.


	4. The Aftermath

The kiss is amazing, until it isn't. Until it sinks into John's brain about what he's doing. And who he's kissing.

He jerks back, eyes wide. He expects a slap that never comes. Jade just looks back at him, her eyes just as wide.

"John," she starts to say.

John jumps to his feet. "I'm, oh fuck, Jade, I'm sorry," he says tripping over his words. "I'm --"

What has he done? Oh god, what has he done?

"John, just wait," Jade says, getting to her own feet. She reaches out a hand for him.

He takes a step back and another. He can't let her excuse this. Or worse reciprocate. Oh god, that be worse than her be angry.

"I'm sorry," he says again. He summons the wind around him and goes skyward. He needs to get away. He needs to think.

"John!" Jade calls after him. "Please, just come back and listen! John!" She sounds angry now. He doesn't want to look at her face.

John closes his eyes and lets the wind carry him along the shore line. When he finally lands, he has no idea how far from Jade is he. He just knows that he can't see or hear her.

He sits down in the sand and burying his face in his hands. He sits like that for he doesn't know how long, his thoughts and heart racing. Then he hits the sand beside him with balled up fists.

"You stupid fucking idiot! You moron! You asshole!" he yells at himself, striking the sand again and again. "You complete fuck up!"

He's breathing heavily by the end of his tirade.

John lets himself fall backwards into the sand and covers his face with his hands. "How am I going to face them?" he asks, the empty beach.

Never mind that he kissed what's pretty much his twin sister. He kissed Karkat's matesprit. He kissed someone he knew was in a happy relationship. Because what? Because he couldn't keep his feelings to himself?

What did he think he was doing potentially ruining things for Jade and Karkat because he was lonely and missed them like a he would a limb. He loves them as friends as well.

And, oh god, what if Jade had --

He shakes his head.

"No," he whispers. He can't think like that. Jade is just kind and loves him like a brother. She would have made excuses. She wouldn't have kissed him back. She wouldn't have said something out of one of Karkat's romance novels like "I've been waiting for years for you to do that".

John doesn't know how long he lays on the beach. Long enough to feel guilty that he won't be there to play in the water with Meenah. Long enough for the sun to visibly have moved across the sky.

Sometimes he thinks he catches a glimpse of Bec out of the corner of his eye, but the helldog is gone when he turns his head. He never sees any sign of Jade. He's not sure if he's thankful or upset by that.

Black storm clouds begin to roll in. John could move them with the wind, but he doesn't. He sits there daring them to rain on him. Rain would suit his mood. When the sky opens up, soaking him, he admits that he needs to go back..

John flies back, much slower than normal, to Jade and Karkat's home.

The front door is unlocked, which he's not sure is a good sign or not. Cautiously, he opens it and steps in the entranceway.

His legs are almost instantly wrapped in a large hug. "Unc' John!" Meenah cries.

"Hi, Meenah," he says softly, guilt forming a hard lump in his throat. He's the worst Uncle ever.

"It raining," Meenah tells him, looking up at him.

"I'm sorry," John says, feeling choked. "We'll go swimming tomorrow."

She hugs his legs tighter. "Glad you came back."

"Course I came back," John says softly.

"You go away sometimes an' don't come back for ages," Meenah complains.

He nods in agreement, though he's not sure what she means. "I found this for your collection," he tells her, presenting her with a pretty conch shell.

Her smile is delighted and its like she doesn't even care that he was gone for hours. He's back and brought her a present and that's all that matters to her now. Ah, to be a little kid again.

"Why don't you take it to show your mama and let Uncle John get dry," Karkat says. The troll is holding a big fluffy towel and a mug of steaming liquid.

Meenah sticks out her bottom lip and gives John's legs another squeeze. "Okay," she finally gives in after look from Karkat and a hug from John.

Karkat hands over the towel. "Playing in the rain is Rose's thing," Karkat says dryly.

John almost smiles. "Yeah."

He waits for Karkat to ask. To say something, anything. But Karkat just watches John dry off. His eyes track John's movements making John want to squirm. He resists though and wraps the towel around himself.

Karkat hands him the mug of what looks like coffee. "Thanks."

Karkat shrugs. "Thought you'd need it." There's a pause. "You okay, John?"

John opens his mouth and then closes it with a snap. Is he okay? Is Karkat serious?

"Did you talk to Jade?" John asks carefully. Did Jade just not tell him?

Karkat nods, a slow movement of his head. "She did. I'm not sure why it matters in whether you are okay or not, though?"

John swallows. "I'm okay enough," he says.

Red eyes narrow and its clear Karkat doesn't think much of that answer. He doesn't press though. "You should change, dinner will be ready soon."

John blinks. Was he really gone that long? "Alright," John says, and starts to move past Karkat.

Karkat reaches out and cups the back of John's neck, then brings their foreheads together. John can't breath. He can feel just the hint of Karkat's claws.

"You aren't okay," Karkat says firmly. "It's obvious to anyone that cares."

Then he lets John go and moves off towards the kitchen. John's hands shake and the coffee threatens to spill. He grips the mug with both hands.

It feels like all the air has been sucked out of the room and he can't breath. He moves finally, and starts the climb up the stairs to his guest room.

The place where Karkat's fingers were still feels warm with the lingering sensation of claws.


	5. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John goes back.

Dinner is an awkward affair for everyone but Meenah. She seems oblivious to the tension John feels in the room. She babbles on happily, playing with her food - which gets a fond smile from Karkat and a stern glance from Jade. .

John doesn't really feel hungry though he hasn't eaten since breakfast. He picks at his food, pushing it around with his fork, despite it being rather good. It's one of the troll recipes Karkat had adapted to earth ingredients. It's another reason to feel guilty, not eating food Karkat cooked.

No one but Meenah says much.

After dinner, John helps wordlessly with the dishes. Karkat carries Meenah into the living room, leaving him and Jade alone. Jade keeps looking at him like she expects something. John looks away and simply hands her another plate.

Karkat sighs audibly from the doorway. "I never thought I'd see a day when you two had nothing to say," he says. "I mean seriously, will one of you just talk?"

Jade shoots him a glare over her shoulder. "I'm not going to force the issue with him," she says firmly.

Karkat throws his hand up. "Well someone needs to force the issue and, oh wow, look that someone will be me. Look here is me forcing the issue." He crosses his arms over his chest, looking steadily at John. "Start talking Egbert. What's in that thinkpan of yours?"

"Nothing," John says, then hangs his head. "Okay, not nothing."

"We're getting somewhere," Karkat says.

Jade shoots him a look. "Karkat, stop. You can't force things out of John just because you're tired of waiting."

John brings his head up and looks from Jade to Karkat. "Look it was a mistake and I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

Jade visibly flinches. "What? What do you mean a mistake?" she demands.

Karkat's eyes have gone a little wild. "John, I don't think you understand. Which is understandable since you won't listen -"

"No," John says, sitting the plate he's holding down harder than needed. "You two aren't going to make excuses for me. I'm not -- I'm not ruining things for you guys. I'm not going to be that guy. What happened on the beach was a lapse in judgement. That I won't repeat. I'd like it if we just pretended it didn't happen."

Karkat looks ready to refuse.

"If that's what you want," Jade says softly. He's not sure what the emotion in her voice is. Disappointment? Sadness?

Karkat inhales sharply.

John can smell a fight brewing and decides this is time for him to leave. He's tempted to leave the island all together. Instead he just pushes past Karkat and goes up to his room.

Meenah finds him later, carrying a book with her. She climbs up on the bed where John's laying and puts the book on the bed. "Papa said you didn't feel well."

"Yeah," John says, because he really doesn't. Though differently from what Meenah probably means.

"Gonna read to you," she tells him, snuggling up beside him.

"Is that what you're mama and papa do when don't don't feel well?" John asks, stroking her hair affectionately.

She nods. "Uh-huh. Unc' Gamzee makes up stories. They're silly."

John manages a chuckle. "I'm sure they are." He picks up the book she laid on the bed. "How about I read to both of us?"

Meenah thinks a moment, then nods. "Kay."

"Once upon a time there was a beautiful Elephant..." he starts.

"Unc' John read it right!" she protests in fit of giggles.

John laughs. "Alright, alright," he says. "Once upon a time there was a King and Queen who wanted a little daughter more than anything..."

Meenah's asleep by the time the story is over. John sits the books aside and scopes up the sleeping little girl. He carries her to her room.

Karkat meets him in the hall. "Thank you," he says, taking Meenah from him.

John shrugs. "I just read her a story."

"You're good with her John," Karkat tells him, changing Meenah into her night clothes. The little girl barely wakes up.

John isn't sure about that. He just tries to remember how his father was and be like that. He wonders how much Karkat struggles - he doesn't have a memory of a father to fall back on.

When Meenah is tucked in and back asleep, Karkat grabs John's wrist. "Come with me," he says. It's not a request.

John could get out of Karkat's grip, but instead just nods. "Okay," he agrees.

Karkat leads him up a flight of stairs and down a hall. He unlocks a door and pulls John into a wide room with weapons on the walls. Sickles to be exact. The rain pounds on the window and the dim light gives the place an eerie feel.

"Karkat," John says. "Please, I don't want to fight with you."

Karkat gives him a sharp, but almost sad look. "I'm not planning to strife with you."

"Good because I'd have to abscond," John tells him.

Karkat shakes his head. "You are the most block headed human I've ever met. I have no idea how you manage to survive from day to day being so obtuse."

John manages a wan smile. "I manage somehow."

"John." Karkat makes a sound of frustration and starts backing John up towards an empty wall. "Jade might be willing to drop the subject because she worries you won't be able to handle it or some nonsense. Like we could somehow break you. But I'm not."

John inhale sharply. What? "What?"

"I'm not going to just let it go. I'm not just going to let _you_ go. I've done that for sweeps now and I'm tired of it!"

"Karkat, I don't understand," John protests, his back hitting the wall.

Karkat honest to god _growls_ and John has never found any sound more fear inducing and more of a turn on at the same time before. "Because you don't listen!"

Karkat kisses him. It's not the soft tender kiss John gave Jade on the beach. It's fierce and hard and wet. John's brain short circuits on all the reasons he shouldn't, so he kisses Karkat back. He opens his mouth and invites Karkat tongue in.

Karkat curls a hand around the back of John's neck, pulling him closer. John shivers at the hint of claws on his neck and wrist. He presses one hand against the wall and the other to Karkat's chest. Torn between pushing closer and pushing away.

When Karkat makes this amazing whirring sound in his throat, John knows he'll want more of this. That he'll need more of this.

They break apart, gasping for air. Karkat doesn't let John go far, pushing their foreheads together. "Don't run from us," Karkat says breathlessly.

"Karkat, I don't -- " John can't find his words. "I can't ruin you and Jade."

Karkat shakes his head. "You won't you idiot. Haven't you been paying any attention. For years now?"

John's hand is trembling against Karkat's chest. "What are you saying?" He can't be saying what John hopes. It's too good to be true.

"He's saying we want you," Jade's voice comes from the doorway. "We both want and love you."

Karkat nods. "We have for sweeps, John. _Sweeps_."

John can't believe his ears.


	6. Chapter 6

John looks from Karkat, who still has him backed against the wall, to Jade and back again. "I didn't know," he manages. Because what can he really say to that?

"We were waiting for you to be ready," Karkat says, bumping his forehead against John's. "Expect you were never going to be ready, were you? You were just going to suffer in silence and ignore every signal we tried to give you and drive me crazy."

John laughs shakely. "I wasn't trying to drive you crazy on purpose."

He hears Jade's footsteps across the floor. "We thought you just needed time to deal with stuff in your head," Jade says softly, pressing herself next to him and Karkat. She slides an arm around John. "That you'd come to us in your own time. Only you didn't and then we got caught up with Meenah."

"I should have kissed you in that damn blanket fort sweeps ago," Karkat growls, and kisses John again. Like he can't help it now that he's gotten a taste.

John breaks away with a gasp. The blanket fort? That was just before Karkat and Jade decided to create Meenah. And Jade said -- they had been waiting for him for years. Had they really been just waiting for him to get his shit together? 

"I didn't know," he says again. "You two were - are so good together. I couldn't see myself having a place with you."

"John," Jade says, her voice sad. "There's always been a place for you with us."

John wants to shake his head. It can't be true. They didn't need him back on the meteor. They didn't need him when they game first ended. Did they?

Had they been hurting just as much as he had?

"This is too much to take in," John says shakily. "I - I want to believe you both, but its been years -"

He closes his eyes. They're both so close and he wants to keep them there, but he wants to shove them away at the same time. He's been used to loneliness, to longing, and to not getting what he wants.

Karkat takes a shaky breath against John's skin. "John, please," he says desperately.

"I'm not saying no," John tells him gently. "I'm saying I need time to process."

Jade nods, her fingers sliding over Karkat's on John's neck. "We can give you time."

"Just not too much time," Karkat says firmly. He's looking at John's mouth like he wants to kiss him again. Like if he just keeps kissing John everything will work itself out.

But real life doesn't work like that and John - if this is going to happen John wants it to work.

"I'm not going to run away," John promises.

Jade laughs. "Good because we'd follow you this time," she promises.

Jade draws Karkat's hand away from his skin. John instantly misses its warmth.

John laughs as well. "I'm pretty fast," he points out.

"Jade can bend space," Karkat reminds him, his smile fond.

Jade shakes her head. "There will be no running," she declares. She kisses John gently in what seems an impulsive move.

John holds back a soft moan and wonders if maybe he can think later. The mats on the floor here look soft and the way they're pressing against him - god it be so easy to just -

He closes his eyes and tries to get control of his body and brain before they run away with him. He _needs_ to think about everything. He needs time to process or he's going to mess things up. If he hasn't already.

Karkat moves his body away from John's. He misses the heat and strength of it. "Get some sleep," he says. "I can guarantee Meenah will be up earlier wanting to swim."

John nods, feeling a bit off balance. Then, thinks, _oh crap what about Meenah_. "What about Meenah if we - how will we explain to her - "

Jade stops him with a finger to his lips. "Then we'll explain it to her. Don't overthink this John."

He takes a deep breath and nods. "Alright, no over thinking."

She takes her hands away and he instantly wishes he'd kissed her finger. It's a crazy impulse and one that's not conducive to him thinking things through.

"Goodnight, John," she says, taking Karkat's hand.

"Sleep well," Karkat tells him. "If you have trouble sleeping that tea is in the kitchen."

John nods slowly."Yeah," he says slowly. "Good night both of you."

Does Karkat want him to come down to the kitchen later? John's not sure. He's not sure he wants to find out, because he's confused and feelings a bit pole-axed.

He watches them leave and slides down the wall to the floor. He scrubs his hand over his face, trying desperately to collect his thoughts. "Did that really just happen?" he asks the gleaming blades around him.

They have no answer for him.


	7. Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Interlude: Dave and Terezi deal with a sick child.

Interlude

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 16:13 --  
EB: hey dave.  
TG: yo john lucky you caught me online been busy with harrison  
TG: hes got the flu  
EB: haven't been online a lot myself.  
EB: oh no. is he okay?  
TG: yeah hes champ  
TG: hows the visit with jade and crabby going  
EB: it's going complicatedly.  
TG: they finally get sick of waiting for you to buy a fucking clue man  
TG: because wow  
EB: does EVERYONE know about this but me?  
TG: wouldnt say everyone  
TG: okay mostly everyone its been like the most obvious thing that was ever obvious  
EG: ):  
TG: sides the murder clown and terezi were jamming about it  
TG: he was sure karkat was at the end of his rope or something translated into clown speak  
EB: how's the uh visit going?  
TG: i dont even want to talk about it man  
TG: you know i love terezi and if this shit makes her happy then ive got to keep my fucking mouth shut about it  
EB: i dont think he's dangerous these days.  
TG: don t fool yourself hell always be dangerous just a different level of danger  
TG: but he aint going to harm harrison  
TG: enough about my bullshit  
TG: you going to man up or what  
EB: it's not as simple as that. there's meenah. and let's face it the longest relationship i've had was with vriska.  
TG: don t be a fucking idiot meenah adores you  
TG: and youre over thinking this shit just trust your feelings luke  
TG: or whatever that star wars bit is  
EB: my feelings are all messed up, that's the problem.  
TG: then sort them out  
TG: gotta go harrison is calling for me and terezi is a bit tied up  
EB: go take care of the little guy. bye dave  
EB: bye john  
\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

***

Dave sits down at his son's side, checking Harrison's forehead with the back of his hand. "Hey, champ, daddy's here," he says gently.

Harrison whimpers. "Hot."

"I know, I'm sorry," Dave says wishing he could do more for his son. He wonders if his Bro felt this ache and panic in his chest whenever Dave was sick when he was little. Fuck, he wishes Bro was around. So fucking unfair that John got back his dad, but he couldn't get back his Bro.

"Do you want some juice?" he asks Harrison.

Harrison nods. "AJ?" he asks, his voice hoarse.

"You got it, champ," Dave says, getting back to his feet. He kisses Harrison's forehead.

When he gets to the kitchen he finds Gamzee at the kitchen table stringing together seashells into a necklace or something. He looks up at Dave and gives him a grin. It doesn't set Dave's teeth on edge like it use to, but it's a near thing.

"How little-bro?" Gamzee asks. The concern is real. Dave wouldn't have believed that a few years ago, but he also thought a lot of things a few years ago.

"Still running a fever," Dave says, getting out a sippy cup. He pulls the apple juice from the fridge and fills up the cup.

Gamzee watches him as if measuring his own thoughts. "He's a tough little-bro, he'll be right as anything before you know it. Ain't nothing bad gonna happen to him."  


It's probably the most words Gamzee has said to him in years. Dave tries to hide his surprise.

"Doesn't mean me and Terezi aren't going to worry," he points out as neutrally as he can. He bites his tongue askings where Terezi is.

"You two are fine motherfucking parents that's why," Gamzee says.

Dave shrugs a little. "Thanks," he says for a lack of anything else to say.

He leaves Gamzee at the table and heads back upstairs with the juice. Terezi is in with Harrison when he gets there. She's sitting in the rocking chair by the window, Harrison curled up in her lap. She rocks him gently, humming.

"You got him apple juice, good," she says as way of greeting.

"AJ is his favorite," Dave says. "He's got good tastes."

Harrison lifts his head a little. "Daddy?"

Dave crosses the room and rubs Harrison's back. "Right here," he tells him, giving his the sippy cup. "And here's your AJ."

Harrison settles back against Terezi as he drinks down the juice. Dave leans against the wall, watching Terezi rock and soothe their son. Maybe its just mommy power, but Terezi manages to get Harrison to sleep pretty quickly. The half empty sippy cup almost slips to the ground, but Dave catches it.

"My poor little one," Terezi sighs, kissing between Harrison's horns.

Dave shifts from the wall and moves over to her side. He bends down and kisses her cheek. "He'll be back under foot before you know it," he assures her.

Something in her face wavers, like she's going to cry. "What if he isn't?" she whispers. "What if he just gets sicker? What if he --"

A tear tracks down her face. Dave kneels down by her.

"Hey, hey, no crying," he tells her softly, taking her hand between his. "Kids get sick, Terezi. He'll be okay. I got sick all the time when I was little."

Blind eyes blink rapidly, holding back tears. "I keep thinking someone's going to come and take him from us because he's sick," she admits. "I know culling isn't a thing here, but he's so small and --" Her voice shakes.  


Dave kisses her lightly scraped knuckles. "No ones going to take him and no ones going to cull him," he says firmly. "Even if they tried, we'd stop them."

Terezi nods, but he can see fear in her face. Old fears and new ones he suspects. She didn't have an easy time of it growing up with really no lusus.

"Our little champ will be back running around and climbing on everything soon," he promises, pushing back his own fears.

She brushes her fingers across his lips. "I'm going to sit with him for a while," she says.

Dave nods. "Gamzee's not going to be annoyed, is he?"

Terezi shakes her head. "He's worried too," she says. "Told me not to worry about him and concentrate on my little-dude."

Dave will never fully understand parts of troll romance. "Okay."

"He said he'd head home, but John should get some one on one Uncle time," Terezi tells him.

"John might be a permanent resident on hellbeast island from the conversation I had with him," Dave says with a soft chuckle.

Terezi raises an eyebrow. "Oh? Karkat finally ran out of his limited supply of patients?"

Dave chuckles again. "Well, John upgraded the relationship to complicated, so someones getting somewhere."

That gets a smile from Terezi. "Good."

Harrison snuggles deeper into Terezi's arms, it'll be near impossible for Terezi to put him down.

"He could share our bed tonight," Dave suggests.

Terezi nods. "I agree," she says and gracefully stands while still holding their small son.

Together they walk to their bedroom. It's early still, but Dave never thinks it's too early to curl around him family.

Harrison's fever breaks around midnight. Dave and Terezi fall asleep in the early hours, holding each other and their son.


	8. Chapter 8

Closing his laptop John gets to his feet. He misses having computer glasses just a little. He misses Dave and wishes they'd been able to talk more. He misses a lot of things.

John might be cheating just a little, using his powers to make his steps lighter as he moves down the stairs. The rain still drums against the roof and windows, but John knows how good Karkat's hearing and horn sense is. He just wants to get to the kitchen and back up to his room.

He needs to think more than he wants to think. And if he sees Karkat or Jade all his good intentions of thinking things through will go out the window. He swears he can still taste Karkat on his lips, still feels Jade's arm around his waist.

He sighs in frustration and pads into the kitchen.

Karkat is at the kitchen counter making tea.

John makes a small noise in the back of his throat and drop into a chair. "Is this an ambush?"

Karkat snorts. "Hardly, dipshit," he says without any real fire or force. "Are you over thinking things in that thinkpan of yours yet? I have a bet with Jade."

John laughs low in his throat. "Actually I've been having trouble focusing," he admits. "You two - uh - gave me plenty to distract me earlier. I thought talking to Dave would help, but Harrison's sick so he wasn't able to talk much."

Karkat turns around and leans against the counter a sly smile on his face. "So we distracted you, huh?"

"You would focus on that," John groans. "Yes, having the two people I've had a thing for get all up in my space sort of has my brain short circuited. I want to agree just to get you back close to me."

Karkat chuckles and crosses the room. "So if I were to instigate sloppy makeouts you'd say yes faster?" he asks, his smile showing off his sharp teeth.

And that should in no way be a turn on, but fuck if it isn't.

"Karkat," John protests weakly. "You said you'd give me time to think."

"Jade said," Karkat points out. "I'm tired of waiting." It's almost a growl and John shivers.

John licks his lip and Karkat _does_ growl. Growls and slides into John's lap. His mouth slants across John's in a wet forceful kiss that John in no way protests. His traitorous body reacts with a rush of arousal. His mind just hisses _yes_.

He opens his mouth up under Karkat, one of his hands coming up to grip Karkat's bony hip. Jesus, it doesn't even feel like Karkat is put together the same way. What will he look like under all those clothes, what would he feel like.

John groans. "Karkat." It comes out more like a plea than a protest.

Karkat bites at his mouth. "You have no idea how many times I wanted to do this," he rumbles. "We almost seduced you back on the fucking meteor."

John's mind blanks for a second before he remembers. He'd pushed it to the back of his mind, the way Karkat and Jade were acting right before Vriska showed up and kissed him. John wonders now if it was half because she didn't want someone else to have him. At the time he'd just been lonely as hell.

"I'm sorry," John whispers and bites Karkat right back.

Karkat makes an alien almost insect noise in his throat. "Don't be sorry, just don't abandon us again."

John has trouble concentrating between kisses and he can't seem to stop kissing Karkat now that they've started. "Never abandoned you."

Karkat presses closer, putting them chest to chest. John groans as their groins bump together. He's achingly hard.

"You do every time you run back to the mainland," Karkat insists. "Every time you leave us."

John softens his next kiss, trying to still Karkat's moving hips. "That's not the same, that's me going home," he protests.

" _This_ is your home," Karkat growls. He kisses John so hard it almost hurts.

Cupping the back of Karkat's head John gentles the kiss. "Karkat," he says softly, but has no idea how to finish. Instead he kisses him again.

Karkat pulls away this time and buries his face against John's neck. "Just say yes."

"No bribing me with sex," John protests weakly, kissing the vulnerable line of Karkat's throat. It be so easy to give in. To let this continue until one of them was on their back on the kitchen table. Jesus, fuck, John wants to see Karkat on his back on the kitchen table. "Please just give me a little time. I promise I won't run away."

"I'd hunt you down if you did," Karkat states fiercely. He's breathing hard as if holding back is a strain. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to go this far, I just - fuck, John, I want you."

"I want you too," John admits. "But I so don't want our first time to be without Jade and on the kitchen table."

Karkat chuckles roughly. "You'd look so good on that table." He licks his lip and draws back slightly. "Jade would be pissed though."

John leans forward and kisses Karkat gently. "Go back to her. Two days is all I ask and you'll have an answer."

With obvious reluctance Karkat climbs off John's lap. "Two days," he repeats. "I think I can do that."

John shifts in the chair, knowing its going to take a cold shower or his hand before his erection goes away.

Karkat wets his lips. "Harrison's sick?"

John swallows. "Yeah, the flu. I think Dave's trying to handle it by himself since Gamzee's there."

Karkat shakes his head. "Humans never will understand kismesissitude, will you?" he says half to himself. "Gamzee's not going to expect Terezi's full attention with Harrison sick."

"Oh," John says, because no humans really don't get kismesissitude. Maybe Rose or Jade does, but him and Dave? Not a fucking clue other than some vague 'hate sex' implications. "I guess he'll be worried about Harrison too."

Karkat nods. "Gamzee likes playing Uncle."

Okay, talking about Gamzee is another good way to kill his boner. "That's good."

Karkat finishes the tea and sets a mug in front of John, then sits in the other chair. "Wanting both you and Jade red hasn't been easy on me, you know John," Karkat says softly. "It isn't normal to have two matesprits. Not that I've ever heard of."

John looks at his mug. 'I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, just - this isn't some fucking idea I haven't thought long and hard about. Don't think this is impulsive or crap like that. Jade and I have had a lot of talks," he pauses. "She kinda had to get over the you being her paradox twin."

John makes a face. "Yeah, it takes a little head wrapping around," he admits. "It's part of what I need to think about. I mean, she is my sister."

"I don't understand incest taboos," Karkat complains without much ire.

"It's not a deal breaker, though," John admits. It feels weird that it isn't - but his relationship with Jade has always been odd.

Karkat seems to relax a little. "Good. Now drink your tea, fuckass," he says affectionately.

John chuckles and picks up his mug. The tea is good.


	9. In the Morning

John wakes to soft fingers in his hair. He makes a soft grumpy little noise into his pillow. It feels nice, but he just wants to sleep a bit longer.

The fingers move to scratch just behind his ear. His grumpy noise turns to pleased.

There's a soft female giggle.

John cracks open one eye to peer up at Jade.

"Morning, sleepy head," she says cheerfully. "You missed breakfast."

John licks his dry lips. "Oh, sorry," he says voice a little sleep slurred. Normally Meenah is in waking him up long before breakfast.

Jade fingers make another slow pass through his hair. "We told Meenah to let you sleep. You had a rough night after all."

John flushes. The first thing that comes to his mind is Karkat straddling his lap. "I -- "

"Naughty boys playing without me," Jade giggles again. She leans down and gives him a soft kiss. "Me and Meenah are getting ready to head down to the beach if you want to come. If you want to stay behind and have some thinking time - that's okay too."

John licks his lips again. "I don't know what I want," he says honestly.

Jade smiles. "That's okay too."

He shakes his head and leverages himself up into a sitting position. "No, it's not. You and Karkat - you've been waiting for me to get my shit together for far too long."

"And another day isn't going to hurt," Jade tells him. "Maybe talk to your dad or Dave."

John shakes his head. "Dave's got his hands full right now." He's not sure how he would talk to his dad about this. 'Hey dad, I'm thinking of entering into a poly relationship with my sister and an alien?'

Jade bonks him gently on the head. "John, just talk to _someone_ if you need too. I don't care if its Gamzee."

He tries very hard not to make a face at that suggestion. He can't imagine trying to have a serious conversation with Gamzee. "I think the only one that gets serious conversation with Gamzee is Karkat."

"You'd be surprised. Matesprits of moirails get special privileges or something," Jade explains awkwardly. "He might be 'chill' but doesn't mean he's vacant upstairs."

She pauses and bites her bottom lip. "He's important to Karkat in ways we aren't completely wired for. If you're going to be a part of us - you'll need to accept that."

John takes one of her hands in his. "I do." At least he thinks he does. He lets go of her hand after a quick squeeze. "I'll join you on the beach later, and I'll drag Karkat down with me."

"Good," she gives him another quick kiss. It keeps blindsiding him, but he likes it. He can only hope Karkat will be as free with kisses as well.

He realizes his decision is almost pretty much made.

John doesn't tell her though, he wants it to settle down into his brain first. He wants to tell them both together.

Jade smiles and climbs to his feet. "I saved some pancakes for you downstairs. Just warm them up."

"Thanks, Jade," he tells her.

"Thank Karkat, he made them, I just saved some for you. Meenah eats everything in sight these days," Jade tells him with a laugh. "I'm sure you noticed. Karkat says it's just a stage."

John chuckles. He thinks it's a stage all kids go through, but maybe for trolls its an actual thing. "I'll see you down on the beach later."

She nods and ducks out the door.

John flops back down on the bed for a while, smiling and listening to Meenah's footsteps in the hallway, her happy giggle and Jade's answering one, the rougher notes of Karkat's voice from downstairs - all muffled by the door and distance but carried on the breathe of the air.

Yeah, he thinks, he could get used to this being his life.


	10. Chapter 10

John pads downstairs barefoot, dressed in shorts and a t-shirt. The kitchen is empty, but like Jade said there's a plate of pancakes waiting for him. A smiley face made up of banana slices graces the top pancake.

John grins. He bets that's Meenah's touch right there.

He gets himself a glass of juice from the fridge before carrying the plate to the table. He's half way done when Karkat comes in and slides into the one of the other kitchen chairs.

"Look who decided to finally grace us with his presence," Karkat gripes, but he's smiling.

John nudges him with his foot under the table. "Someone gave me a lot to think about last night."

Karkat opens then closes his mouth several times. It's sort of funny. And the dull red blush that forms across Karkat's face is kind of cute. "Did you --"

"Take care of myself?" John asks, blushing slightly himself. "Yeah. I did, but like you didn't go make love to Jade."

That might have been what he'd been thinking about as he jerked himself off.

Karkat rubs the back of his neck and looks everywhere but John's face. "Fuckass," he mumbles.

John laughs and leans back in his chair. He feels so -- light -- now that he's made his decision. It's amazing.

"I haven't seen that shirt on you in years," Karkat says finally, probably in an attempt to distract John from teasing him more.

John glances down at his own chest. It's a copy of the alien shirt he used to wear all the time as a kid. He's dad got it for him a few years ago, he's just never felt right wearing it.

Today felt right.

"Just wasn't the right time to wear it, I guess," he says.

"And now's the right time?" Karkat asks.

He sits his fork down and slides from his chair. John walks around the table and leans down to kiss Karkat. It's brief, but tender. Like the soft happy kisses from Jade earlier.

"Yeah, I think it is," John tells him. He runs his finger over the smattering of freckles across Karkat's nose.

Karkat's hands come to rest on John's waist. "I thought you'd take longer to decide."

John grins and kisses Karkat again. "Not saying if I've decided anything or not yet. You'll have to wait until I get you and Jade alone tonight."

Because his decision is more complicated than just 'yes'. Feelings like this for two of his best friends - not his best best friend that'll always be Dave - was always going to be complicated. Not bad complicated though.

Karkat growls in frustration and nips at John's bottom lip. "I hate waiting."

"Sorry?" John offers with a smile.

Karkat growls again, but grins up at John. "I should make you fix lunch for such insolence."

John laughs. "Oh no?"

Karkat tightens his fingers for a second, making John think he's going to be pulled into Karkat's lap. Instead Karkat slips his fingers under John's shirt and starts tickling him. John shrieks with laughter and tries to dart backwards only to be caught by Karkat.

John dives for Karkat's ticklish areas, learned from past tickle fights. In the end, they wind up on the kitchen floor sprawled across each other, out of breath, and still laughing.

Karkat picks up John glasses from the floor and slides them on to John's face. "You are so pitiable," he mutters.

"I wish you'd said that to me ages ago," John says honestly.

"You would have run," Karkat points out.

"Maybe. I don't know," John tells him, then pushes himself up off the floor. "I should get down to the beach. I promised to take Meenah swimming."

Karkat nips at John's jaw line and makes a soft trilling sound. "You'd better get moving then. I'll come down when the sun gets lower."

John leans in close and runs his fingertips down the long line of Karkat spine. "You'd better. You look awesome in a swimsuit. Almost as awesome as Jade."

Then he darts away, out of the room and up the stairs. Laughing at Karkat's swears of frustration.


End file.
